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Analyze This!

All of the Analyze This sounds are sampled at 11kHz 8-bit Stereo.

barnes.wav (338K)
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Dr. Sobel: Dad, you're not coming to my wedding?
Dr. Sobel's Dad: We wanna be there, but I've got three book signings next weekend!  I can't piss off these big bookstores!  If I cancel, they stick me down on the bottom shelf....THAT'S the way they are!
Dr. Sobel: I know, that's the word on the street.  Barnes is okay, but that Noble is a vindictive prick!


deadnote.wav(287K)

Dr. Sobel: Oh, now you're gonna tell me it was a suicide?
Paul Vitti: I think he left a note.  Jelly, did they find that note?
Jelly: Ah, no, but they will in a minute.
Dr. Sobel: Oh let me guess what it says....'Life is bullshit...I can't fuckin' take it anymore.....signed, the dead guy.'
Jelly: Hey, that's good, doc!


fishing.wav (106K)
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Jelly: I talked to a shrink one time...when I got sent upstate on a....fishing trip.


getalife.wav (387K)

Caroline: But what should I doooo?
Dr. Sobel: Well, the first thing I think that you should do, is to stop whining about this pathetic loser!  FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!  YOU ARE A TRADEGY QUEEN!   STEVE DOESN'T LIKE ME!  STEVE DOESN'T RESPECT ME!   OH WHO GIVES A SHIT!  GET A FUCKIN' LIFE!!!


restrain.wav (246K)
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Caroline: I just cannot believe that it's over between me and Steve, you know?  I mean, maybe there's still hope!
Dr. Sobel: Well, he did take out a restraining order against you, and I have to be honest, that's usually not a good sign.


greeks.wav (117K)

Dr. Sobel: Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother.
Paul Vitti: (Sighs)....Fuckin' Greeks!


hearno.wav (119K)
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Dr. Sobel: You don't hear the word 'No' very often, do you?
Paul Vitti: I hear it all the time, only it's more like "No! Please! No! No!"


nodoctor.wav(287K)

Dr. Sobel: I am no longer your doctor!
Paul Vitti: What?  Because of this?
Dr. Sobel: Because of this "little" double homicide?!  YES BECAUSE OF THIS!!


pillow.wav (321K)
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Dr. Sobel: You know, you know what I do when I'm mad, Paul?  I hit a pillow.  Just hit the pillow!  See how you feel.
Paul Vitti: (Grabs a gun and fires several shots)....There's your fuckin' pillow!
Dr. Sobel: Feel better?
Paul Vitti: Yeah, I do!


piss.wav (165K)

Mobster: Do you think that those whales piss in that water?
Jelly: No, I think they use the men's room next door to the Burger King.....dummy!


polite.wav (233K)
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Mr. MacNamara: You're Paul Vitti, the mobster?
Paul Vitti: Now is that polite?  Huh?  Is that being nice?   I'm trying to be nice over here!  I mean, do I walk up to you and say you're so and so the hard on?


ribeye.wav (106K)

Mobster talking to a cow: Wanna be a fuckin' ribeye?  Get away from the car!


scotch.wav (161K)
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Dr. Sobel: You know, normally a patient wouldn't have a vat of scotch during a session.
Paul Vitti: That's an interesting fact.  I'm gonna have to remember that one if I'm ever on Jeopardy.


takepill.wav (223K)

Dr. Sobel: You know you can take a pill for that....
Paul Vitti: Nah, nah, that's a cheat.  You start with the pills, next thing you know, you're puttin' in hydraulics!  A hard-on should be gotten legitimately, or it shouldn't be gotten at all.
Dr. Sobel: Hmm...I think Mark Twain said that, didn't he?


throwout.wav (368K)
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Caroline: You're just like Steve...you wanna...just wanna....get rid of me and throw me out!
Dr. Sobel: Now, Caroline, you know that's not true.
Caroline: Yes it's true....
Dr. Sobel: I am gonna see you next week, whereas Steve never wants to see you again.  (Caroline starts crying)


toofat.wav (77K)

Mobster: What kind of sandwich ain't too fattening?
Jelly: A half a sandwich!


turnfag.wav (98K)
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Paul Vitti: If I talk to you, and you turn me into a fag.....I'm gonna kill you, you understand?


video.wav (118K)

Mrs. Sobel: Honey, let's look at our wedding video!  Look!  There are your parents, there are my parents!  Oh there's the guy that plunged to his death!


yesyoudo.wav (117K)
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Paul Vitti: God bless you, you've got a fuckin' gift.
Dr. Sobel: No, I dont.
Paul Vitti: Yes you do! 
Dr. Sobel: I really don't.
Paul Vitti: YES YOU DO!

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