2things .wav
(266k) .mp3 (193k)
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Joe Friday: Now, let me tell
you something, Streebeck. There are two things which clearly differentiate the human
species from animals. One, we use cutlery. Two, we're capable of controlling
our sexual urges. Now you might be an exception, but don't drag me down into your
private hell!
aheart .wav
(124k) .mp3 (90k)
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Enid Borden: I should've thrown
it all in the river the day he left, but unlike some people, I have a heart, goddammit!
dreams .wav (277k) .mp3
(201k)
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Joe Friday: Every man has a
dream to chase. Frank's was that goat farm. Sure Captain, I understand.
But tell me something...
Capt. Gannon: Yeah?
Joe Friday: Those 3.6 million citizens out there. The ones
who expected him to be on the job this morning...will they understand?
finished .wav (49k) .mp3
(36k)
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Joe Friday: I think we're
finished here, don't you Detective Streebeck?
flathead .wav
(38k) .mp3 (27k)
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Enid Borden: Says who?
FLATHEAD!
fruitbat .wav
(100k) .mp3 (72k)
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Joe Friday: Ma'am, what is the
approximate dry weight of the average Madagascar fruit tree bat?
Pep: You mean, you don't know?
furball .wav (62k) .mp3
(45k)
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Pep: Have you seen this guy?
What a mental furball!
Godlaugh .wav (117k) .mp3
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Joe Friday: Yeah, well just go
ahead and chuckle away, mister. I don't hear God laughing.
Pep: You will, once he sees your haircut.
goodpagn .wav (38k) .mp3
(27k)
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Pagan guy: GOOD EVENING,
PAGANS!
hotshot .wav (101k) .mp3
(74k)
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Joe Friday: Listen, hotshot.
I don't care for you or for the putrid sludge you're trowling out!
imapagan .wav (166k) .mp3
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Pep: HOWDY! I'm Emil Muzz
and I'm a pagan! MUHAHAHAHAHA!
impresiv .wav (114k) .mp3
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Joe Friday: They're quite
impressive. Bordering on spectacular. We have to be running along now.
israelis .wav (92k) .mp3
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Joe Friday: And you've
forgotten you're facing the single finest fighting force ever assembled!
Rev. Worley: The Israelis ?
itsmilk .wav (588k) .mp3
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Pep: I can't quite place it!
It tastes like......
Joe Friday: MILK! Just like the sign said on the building
before you obliterated it! Fresh, Wholesome Milk!
Pep: You probably love this stuff, don't you?
Joe Friday: Vitamin D! Calcium! Essential for good
strong bones and healthy teeth! But that's probably all Greek to you, isn't it?
Mr. Gingivitis!
moment .wav (69k) .mp3
(51k)
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Joe Friday: Isn't there
anything job-related that you should be doing at this particular moment?
moregas .wav (569k) .mp3
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Pep: You know, Friday, we're
allowed to go 55. On some occasions, even faster.
Joe Friday: I'm well aware of the Federally mandated speed
limit, Streebeck. But did it ever occur to you that by going 8 mph slower, we might
save some gasoline and ease the burden on the poor taxpayers out there who pay our
salaries?
Pep: Friday, a little extra gas isn't going to put the city in
hock! Besides this looks bad! C'mon! Live a little! It's the
vertical pedal on the right!
nodoz .wav (54k) .mp3
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(A good error sound)
Capt. Gannon: Damn P.A.G.A.N.S.
must be living on No-Doz!
pencldik .wav (46k) .mp3
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(Talk about a hilarious start up sound!)
Enid Borden: Bout time you
pencildicks showed up!!
pimpstik .wav (38k) .mp3
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(This is a hilarious error sound!)
Enid Borden: Damn puss-faced
little pimp stick!!
pukebag .wav (45k) .mp3
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(Yet another hilarious error sound!)
Enid Borden: That miserable
little bag of puke!!
repressd .wav (88k) .mp3
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Pep: You've got a lot of
repressed feelings, don't you Friday? Must be what keeps your hair up!
rights .wav (98k) .mp3
(71k)
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Jerry Caesar: I've got First
Amendment rights too! Look 'em up Friday.
Joe Friday: I don't have to look 'em up, mister, I can quote 'em
to you!
skulnite .wav (36k) .mp3
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(An EXCELLENT error sound!!)
Joe Friday: And on a school
night too!
slimey .wav (77k) .mp3
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(Yet another hilarious error sound!!)
Enid Borden: There's nothin'
you can do about it, you slimey little jizz bucket!!
thebeav .wav (139k) .mp3
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Joe Friday: You certainly have
a beautiful home, Miss Swail.
Pep: You bet! Can the Beaver come out and play?
transfer .wav (59k) .mp3
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Joe Friday: They should
transfer you to missing persons, Streebeck! You know everybody!
useless .wav (46k) .mp3
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(Yet another hilarious error sound!!)
Enid Borden: Useless
scum-lapping shitbag!!!
vibrator .wav (140k) .mp3
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Woman on intercom: Oh, thank
God! Vibrator repair?!
Joe Friday: No ma'am, Los Angeles Police Department.
Sorry.
virgin .wav (135k) .mp3
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Joe Friday: Prepare the virgin?
I don't like the sound of that.
Pep: Let's just hope they're not referring to you.
byepep .wav (140k) .mp3
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Blonde Woman Police Officer: Bye
Pep! Will you be coming over later?
Pep: Oh yeah, I have to.
Blonde Woman Police Officer: Oh?
Pep: I'm wearing your underwear!
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