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My Fellow Americans

All of the My Fellow Americans sounds are sampled at 11kHz mono.


3women.wav (133K)
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Pres. Douglas: You're a whore!  Admit it!  Go on, admit you're a big whore!  Go ahead...
Pres. Kramer: Name three women from the District of Columbia that you didn't bang while you were in office...what am I talking about?  Name one!
Pres. Douglas: Screw you!
Pres. Kramer: Blow me!


attempts.wav (69K)
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Pres. Kramer: I only had one assassination attempt on me, you had three!
Pres. Douglas: Two!  That woman from Phoenix doesn't count!  She only had a starter pistol!


dontkill.wav(53k)
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Pres. Douglas: The minute you're out of office they don't care enough about you to kill you anymore....people are fickle!


funerals.wav (114k)
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Secret Service Agent: We'll be at Air Force One shortly, Mr. President.
Pres. Douglas: I hate these funerals.  It's just awful when another good Democrat passes on!
Secret Service Agent: I believe the deceased was a Republican, Sir.
Pres. Douglas: Oh!  Well then it might not be so bad!


golf.wav(253k)
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Vice President: I'm so sorry, and I'm so embarrassed.  I hope this doesn't scare you away from golf...Because it's such a great sport!  I-I know your people...the black people, don't really enjoy the game, but I think that's because you can't get into the nice clubs!  The restricted ones.   And on the other hand, your people are so good at so many sports, that maybe it's good that we white folks have a sport that you people are not so good at!


alltimes.wav (34K)
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Colonel Tanner: We know where you are at all times...that's our business.


setballs.wav (57K)
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Pres. Kramer: It's a kick in the balls!   Sorry sweetheart.
Mrs. Kramer: Please, I'm a politician's wife!  I have a set of my own.


steal.wav (90K)
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Mrs. Kramer: Now, before we check out, do you want me to steal all of the little shampoos and conditioners?
Pres. Kramer: Come on, now....Please!  I already got 'em.


surprise.wav (320K)
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Joe Hollis: What an unexpected and bloodcurdling surprise.

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