3bears.wav(260k)
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Grandpa: The baby bear looked
and he said, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed, and the bastard's still there!"
But Goldilocks had a Remington semi-automatic, with a scope and a hair trigger!
Allie: That's not the way it goes!
Grandpa: And that was THE END (Allie giggles) of the
thrrrrree bears!
cataloni.wav(57k)
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Grandpa: What do you say we go
back to my place, and I'll show you my cataloni! Huh?
chucke.wav(60k)
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Max: Look, people are not gonna
come down here for Italian, when we've got a Chuck E. Cheese right in town!
holdup.wav(94k)
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John: You and that beautiful
lady?
Max: I am the thief of hearts...I am the gangster of love!
John: Gangster, huh? Well tell me, was it more of a hold up
than a stick up?
neutered.wav(72k)
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Max: YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS
TO TAKE ME ON ANYMORE! ARIEL'S HAD YOU NEUTERED!
lesbians.wav(101k)
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Geraldo (on TV): What happens when
Bonnie & Clyde turn out to be Bonnie & Bonnie? Lesbian bandits, next on
Geraldo.
Max: Oooh! Lesbians! Yummy!
gettnany.wav(24k)
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John: I think I liked you
better before you were gettin' any!
poorman.wav(50k)
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Max: Would you look at that
poor man? hah hah hah!
quarter.wav(122k)
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Grandpa: RELAX! Kids swallow
quarters all the time!
Melanie: Really?
Grandpa: Sure! If she craps out two dimes and a nickel, then
you can start worrying, huh?
shaveass.wav(64k)
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(Excellent Error Sound)
Max: If my dog was as ugly as
you, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards!!
whackem.wav(30k)
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Mama: AT LAST! I GET TO
WHACK HIM!
wishcrap.wav(91k)
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John: Dad, I wish you'd try the
lowfat bacon.
Grandpa: Well, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other...and
see which gets filled first!