advice.wav(140k) Save to Online Drive

Droz: Want some advice?
Tom: Well, yeah.
Droz: Well, here's all you need to know. Classes, nothing before 11. Beer, its your best friend, you drink a lot of it. Women, you're a freshman, so its pretty much out of the question. Will you have a car?
Tom: Uh, no.
Droz: Someone on your hall will...find them and make friends with them on the first day.

thesis.wav(220k) Save to Online Drive

Droz: PIGMAN!!
Tom: What's he doing?
Droz: He's finishing his senior thesis. Pigman is trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory. No matter what time it is, 24 hours a day, you can find a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie playing on TV!
Tom: That's his thesis?
Droz: Yes! That's the beauty of college these days, Tommy! You can major in GameBoy if you know how to bullshit!

closing.wav(125k) Save to Online Drive

Pigman: Caine and Hackman in the same movie together! This is my thesis, man! This is my closing argument! I CAN STOP WATCHING TV! YEAH!!

coffee.wav(49k) Save to Online Drive

Droz: Coffee! COFFEE NOW!!!

times.wav(72k) Save to Online Drive

Droz: Times have changed in the past 30 years, To-mas. We no longer swill sherry and screw goats for fun anymore.

meat.wav(174k) Save to Online Drive

PCU President: You passed out cigarettes for a smoke-a-thon on Earth Day, you installed speed bumps on the handicap ramps, and most recently, you dumped a hundred pounds of....meat, on a peaceful vegan protest!
Droz: Oh, come on! That was way more than a hundred pounds!

bring.wav(297k) Save to Online Drive

Football Player: What's up babes?
Womynist #1: Pack up your rape culture and take a hike!
Football Player: You want a brewdog?
Womynist #1: We're not interested in your penis!
Womynist #2: Wait, wait, I think he's offering us a beer. Um...yes...we...would...like...a...beer.
Football Player: Okayl! (To fellow jocks) Hey! Gimme a beer! Gimme a beer!
Womynist #1: It's like, if you're nice to them, they bring you things?
Womynist #2: Exactly.

fresh.wav(59k) Save to Online Drive

Womynist #2: You went out with a white male?
Samantha: I was a freshman!
Womynist #1: Fresh-PERSON! Please!

just1hit.wav(65k) Save to Online Drive

Gutter: Just one hit....then I gotta go.

swirlee.wav(56k) Save to Online Drive

Dopeheads: Swirrrrleeeee! Woooo!

pins.wav(86k) Save to Online Drive

Pigman: AAAAAAAAH! PINS AND NEEDLES! Ooooooo...pins and needles...pins and needles....

atthepit.wav(93k) Save to Online Drive

Katy: Hey Droz, what do you think about this. "Tonight at The Pit: Everyone Gets Laid"
Droz: Hmm...that's tasteless, disgusting and offensive. I like it.

justice.wav(122k) Save to Online Drive

Black Activist: I'm a black man! There is no justice for me here in America! I should be at the front of the line!
Gay Activist: Yeah, well, I'm gay and subject to ridicule and discrimination wherever I go.
Womynist #1: Women are oppressed throughout the world, give it a rest!

laid.wav(477k) Save to Online Drive

Droz: Now, it's true....the majority of students today are so cravenly P.C. that they wouldn't know a good time if it were sitting on their face, BUT, there is one thing that will always unite us and them! They're young! They may not realize it yet! They've got the same raging hormones, the same self-destructive desire to get boldly trashed and wildly out of control! Look out that window! That's not a protest! That is a cry for help! They're begging us! Please have a party! Feed us drinks! GET US LAID! AAAAAAAAH!!
Dave #1: That's a pretty strange theory, Droz.

person.wav(150k) Save to Online Drive

Droz: Hey monkeys! How 'bout a little respect! The presiding person of the University just walked in.
The Band: (Start playing "Hail to the Chief")

bee.wav(80k) Save to Online Drive

Jerrytown guy: That weasel snagged the bee!
Mersh: Alright!   Bong hits anyone??  haha!

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The Movie Sounds Page is maintained by Tony W. Wittrien