Simon Templar: Allow me to introduce myself. My
name is August Christopher. I was named for St. Augustan, who coined my favorite
phrase, 'Give me chastity and give me constancy, but do not give it yet.'
Ivan Tretiak: Who are you? Simon Templar: My name is Bruno Hautenfaust. I was named for a saint, who
was a very wealthy man. Got wines, the womens, the songs...the whole bit,
and then inexplicably, took a vow of poverty and became a hermit. Went off to live
in the forest, in the nude.
Radio News Announcer (voice of Roger Moore): Donations
totaling three billion dollars were made today to the Red Cross, the Salvation Army, and
the United Way Children's Fund. The funds were wired from the account of jailed
Russian tycoon, Ivan Tretiak.
Ivan Tretiak: You heard about this morning's
sensational events. Many shocking documents were recovered from the President's
secret files! Locked within his private safe!
Dr. Emma Russell: It's, uh, something that I'm working
on...a formula for creating energy. Simon Templar (as Thomas More): That you carry around in your underwear? Dr. Emma Russell: Heh, uh, yeah.
Simon Templar: You found me. Dr. Emma Russell: Wasn't very hard. Two men with saint's names flew into
Moscow yesterday. Udora Bonkenjas, a short, bald African, whereas Vincent Ferrer... Simon Templar: Named for a saint who betrayed his best friend.
Simon Templar (as old nerdguy): I'm here to do an
interview with that Dr. Russell. I'm here to expose her as a fraud. You don't
put any stock in this cold fusion mumbo-jumbo, do ya? Dr. Emma Russell: Actually, I do.
Dr. Emma Russell: You see, I'm going to give cold
fusion to the world. It's the only way that if we're ever together again that I'll
know it's for you, and you'll know it's for me. If cold fusion is free, then you and
I, Simon, will be free too.
Tretiak advisor: How does it look, for the leader's
son, to walk out when the leader speaks? Ivan Tretiak's son: You prefer the leader's son to piss his
pants on live TV? Hmm?