Kyle's Mom: Al,
tonight is a very special night! Do you know why?
Big Gay Al: Oooh!
They're having a sale at Merv's?!
Army General: YOU
TOLD US THAT WINDOWS 98 WOULD BE FASTER, AND MORE EFFICIENT WITH BETTER
ACCESS TO THE INTERNET!
It IS faster! Over five
million.....(General Shoots him)
Kyle: Let me have
some candy, Cartman!
let's see.....uh.....Nope, I don't have any Jewish candy!
you need all that chocolate, fat boy!
Terrence! What did the Spanish priest say to the Uranian
Terrence: I don't
know, Philip! What? (Philip farts and they both laugh)
do they come up with this stuff?!
U.S. Ambassador: Uh,
could you tell us again, what your argument is all *a-bout*?
This is not a-boot diplomacy! This is a-boot dignity! This
is a-boot respect! This is a-boot realizing......(Everyone in the
room is laughing at them)
You guys are dicks! Release Terrence and Philip, or we WILL give
you something to cry a-boot!! (Crowd laughs even MORE)
Army General: .....the
all important, first attack wave, which we will call "Operation
Chef: Hey, wait a
Now keep in mind, Operation Human Shield will suffer heavy losses!
Battalion 14? (Everyone raises hand) RIght, you are
"Operation Get behind the darkies!" You will follow
Batallion 5 here and try not to get killed, for God's sake!
Philip! This is worse than the night I fell asleep, and you put
your dick in my mouth and took a picture!
know, Terrence. I know.
The Mole: We
must dig from here, so as not to be seen! Come on bitches!!
Stan: Chef, how do
you make a woman like you more than any other guy?
Chef: Oh, that's easy! You just gotta find the
does that mean? Find the clitoris?
Chef: Uh....uh...forget I said anything!!
(This is THE Windows Error Sound OF ALL TIME! To all Mac users out
there, this one's for you! Viva La Resistance!)
Army General: FUCKING
The Clitoris: I am the clitoris!
CLITORIS!? I DID IT! I FOUND THE CLITORIS!!
Satan: Is sex the
only thing that matters to you?
Saddam Hussein: I love you!
Satan: I want
to believe that.
Saddam Hussein: So what do you say we shut off that light
and get close, huh?
Cartman: Shut off the
power, Cartman! This is very important, Cartman!
Chef: Hello there,
The kids: Hey Chef!
Chef: You ever hear
of the Emancipation Proclamation?
Army General: Oh, I don't listen to hip hop!!
Big Gay Al sings part of
Canadian Film Minister:
The United States has graphic violence on television all the time!
We can't believe that a movie with some foul language would piss you off
Stan's Mom: BECAUSE IT'S EVIL!!
Canadian Film Minister:
CAN I FINISH?! PLEASE, CAN I FINISH?........Ok, I'm finished.
TV Announcer: ...Of
course, the only way to SEE the USO show is to sign up for the
Army! So join the Army and KILL SOME CANADIAN SCUM as we
continue....THE MARCH OF WAR!!
Stan: Damn, dude,
that kid is fucked up!
Stan: Oh my
God! You killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastard!!
Cartman: Wow! I guess you CAN light a fart on
Terrence: Want to see
the northern lights? (Strikes a match and farts)
Philip: Ah-hahaha! You burned yourself to death
by lighting your fart! Ah-hahaha!
Satan: It has come to
be! The four horsemen are drawing nigh! The time of prophecy is
Saddam Hussein: I love it when you get all Biblical,
Satan! You know exactly how to turn my crank!
I'm being serious!
Saddam Hussein: HEY!
YOU BETTER GET PACKIN', BITCH! WE HAVE TO GO! WE'RE RUNNING
OUT OF TIME!
Mr. Garrison: Well,
your moms are just upset. They're probably all on their periods or
Gregory: Mr. Garrison, Wendy and I think that was a sexist
Well, I'm sorry, Wendy. But I just don't trust anything that
bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
Mr. Garrison: Oh boy,
I can' t wait for our first shore leave so I can get me some fuckin'
Gregory: Get lots of
sleep. Tomorrow, we will all be risking our lives.....for freedom.
Philip: Oh, you
All the kids: WOW!
Babysitter: Now you
all just sit there and keep your mouths shut, while I go listen to my
Britney Spears records!
Mr. Garrison: How
would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would YOU like to go suck my balls?
(The whole class gasps)
WHAT DID YOU SAY??
Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, actually, what I said
was....(grabs a megaphone and talks out of it) HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO SUCK MY BALLS, MR. GARRISON?
The Mole: You realize
that by doing this, we could be grounded for two, perhaps even three
Kyle: We're willing to take that risk!
Mr. Garrison: Okay
children, lets take our seats! We have a lot to learn today!
Kyle's Mom: It is
going to take us weeks to erase the damage this film has done to our
Stan: Hey Mole, you
know where the clitoris is?
The Mole: Ze what?
Stan: The clitoris! I have to find the clitoris
so I can get this Wendy girl to like me...!
The Mole: HEY! You need to stop thinking with your
dick! You have to be on your toes! Because I am NOT going to
be grounded again! Not for you! Not for ANYBODY!
Gregory: I see you
failed in your mission. I should not have sent a boy to do a man's
Cartman: Hey dudes...
the matter, Cartman?
Cartman: It's this V-chip. I hate it, I can't say any
Really? So you can't say fuck?
Kyle: And you
can't say shit?
Kyle: So you
can't say, "I'm Eric Cartman, the fattest fucking piece of shit in
Cartman: Fuck you! (V-chip shocks him)
Winona Ryder: What
you're doing for our country is so cool! I mean, war man!
Wow. War.....you know? Wow.
Stan: You guys!....Do
you know where I can find the clitoris?
Kyle: The what?
Cartman: What? Is that like finding Jesus or