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Ferris Bueller's Day Off
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beatles .wav (418k) .mp3 (303k)
Sloan: What do you think Ferris is gonna do?
(Twist and Shout by the Beatles starts playing)
Cameron: He's gonna be a fry cook on Venus.
Jeannie: Bite the big one, Junior.
Ferris: They bought it!
(MTV THEME SONG PLAYS....at least the one they played back in the day when they actually played videos.)
Cameron: CALL ME SIR, GODDAMMIT!
Ed Rooney: YES! YES SIR! YES SIR!
Cameron: That's better!
(OKAY! ENOUGH REQUESTS FOR THIS ONE!! STOP WITH THE EMAILS! AAAAAAGH!) :)Cameron: (Singing) When Cameron was in Egypt's laaand.....Let my Cameron goooooo!
Ferris: It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
Ferris: The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom...I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead-lock, but, uh, you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in the doctor's office....That's worse than school.
Ferris: If anybody needs a day off, it's Cameron. He's has lot of things to sort out before he graduates. Can't be this wound up this tight and go to college...his roommate will kill him!
(Makes an excellent shutdown sound)Parking Garage Attendant: Wooooooo! Hahaha! Yeah man! We got to do this again!
Ferris: You speak English?
Parking Garage Guy: (Looks stunned) Ah, what country do you think this is?
Ferris: Ok...
Mom: You're not going to school like this now!
Jeannie: Oh fine! What's this? What's his problem?
Mom: He doesn't feel well.
Jeannie: Yeah, right. Dry that one out, you can fertilize the lawn.
Student: This guy in my biology class, said that if Ferris dies, he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder! Oh he's such a sweetie! Gotta go!
Another student: Hi Jeannie!
Jeannie: Shutup!
Grace: You sounded like Dirty Harry just then!
Jeannie (on the house intercom): Whoever is in the house, or still in the house, I'd like you to know that I've just called the police! So if you have any brains whatsoever, you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun and a scorching case of herpes.
Ferris: Hey Cameron...you realize if we played by the rules, right now we'd be in gym? (Both laugh)
Cameron (on phone to Mr. Rooney): Well, I think you should be sorry, for Christ's sake! A family member dies, and you insult me! What the hell is the matter with you anyway?
Ferris: It's not that I condone facism....or any "ism" for that matter. "Isms" in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an "ism", they should believe in themself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in Beatles...I just believe in me." A good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus, I'd still have to bum rides off of people!
Cameron: What did I do?
Ferris: You killed the car.
Jeannie: Wait, you're letting him stay home? I can't believe this! If I were bleeding out my eyes, you guys would make me go to school. This is so unfair.
Ferris: Jeannie, please don't be upset with me. You have your health, be thankful.
Cameron on a pre-recorded answering machine message: You have reached the Cawthorne Brothers mortuary. We are deeply sorry we are unable to come to the phone right now, but if you will leave your name and number, we will get back to you as soon as inhumanly possible. <beep>
Ferris: Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career, and they never doubted it for a second!
Ferris: Mr. Rooney would never believe Mr. Peterson drives that piece of shit.
Cameron: A piece of shit?
Ferris: It is a piece of shit! Don't worry about it, I don't even have a piece of shit! I have to envy yours.
Cameron: Oh, thanks.
Ferris: (Singing in the shower) I recall Central Park in Fall! How you tore your dress, what a mess, I confess.....so....
Grace: Peterson home on line one....and watch your mouth this time.
Ed Rooney: Go soak your head.
Ferris: (Referring to a test he has today) It's on European socialism. I mean, really! What's the point? I'm not European...I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be facist anarchists...It still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car!
Cameron: Please don't say we're not gonna take the car back....Please don't say we're not gonna.....
Ferris: If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away? Neither would I.
(Ferris revs up the engine and races off)
Singing Telegram dressed as a nurse: I heard that you were feeling ill, headache, fever, and a chill! I came to help restore your pluck! Cuz I'm the nurse who likes to... (door slams)
Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any further than I could throw him!
Grace: Well, with your bad knee, Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody!
Student yelling at Jeannie: YOU HEARTLESS WENCH!
Rooney: (Looking at the Cubs baseball game on TV) What's the score?
Pizza Guy: Nothin' nothin'.
Rooney: Who's winning?
Pizza Guy: The Bears.
school.wav (76K)
Ferris: How can I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?
Teacher: (taking attendance) Bueller?....... Bueller?.......Bueller?
Girl: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
Ferris: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?
Ferris plays "The Blue Danube" on his keyboard using sampled coughs and sick sounds.
Ferris: Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.
Mr. Rooney: He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body.
Grace: He makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.
Grace: The sportos and motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads... they all adore him. They think he's a rightous dude.
Cameron: (pretending to be Sloane's dad) Pardon my French... but you're an asshole!
Cameron: (as Sloane's dad) Now you just mind you P's and Q's buster.... and remember who your dealing with.
Ferris: Bueller. Ferris Bueller.
Cameron: He'll keep callin' me.... he'll keep callin' me until I go over. He'll make me feel guilty...THIS IS.... This is ridiculous, ok? I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go... wai.. I'll go... shit.
(car starts... then stops, sounds of Cameron hitting his hand against the car's seat)
GOD DAMMIT! ......
(car starts and roars... Cameron screams... car stops.)
Forget it... that's it.
Cameron: The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion...
Ferris: ..it is his fault he didn't lock the gararge.
Snooty Maitre D': I appreciate your understanding.
Ferris: Don't think twice. It's understanding that makes it possible for people like us to tolerate a person like yourself.
Maitre D': Thank you.
Ferris: Don't mention it.
Cameron: Eh... batta batta batta batta suuuwing batta... c'mon..
Ferris/Cameron: Eh... batta batta batta suuuwing batta...
Cameron:Hecan'thithecan'thithecan'thithe
can'thithecan'thit suuuuwing batta...
Ferris: Ladies and gentlemen, you're such a wonderful crowd we'd like to play a little tune for you. It's one of my personal favorites, and I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today. Cameron Frye... this one's for you.
(Ferris lip synchs the first verse of "Danke Shein.")
Ferris: Here's where Cameron goes bezerk.
(Cameron screams forever.)
Cameron: Whoa...... Holy shit!
Hood: There's somebody you should talk to.
Jeannie: If you say "Ferris Bueller" you lose a testicle.
Hood: Oh, you know him?
Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.